Control Mastery, Joseph Weiss, Joe Weiss | San Francisco Psychotherapy Research Group

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Martha Walters: My Eulogy for Joe Weiss - December 5, 2004

I am here today to honor and remember Joe, a close friend, protector and a surrogate father to me.

I first met Joe when I was sixteen in our hometown of Cincinnati, Ohio. I was sitting on his sister Regine's front porch with his daughter, Martha, who introduced me to him. "A pleasure to meet you" he said as he shook my hand. Little did I know that several years later that he and Estelle would play such important roles in my future life.

Later, when I was a young and an unfocussed adult, it was Joe who took time to introduce me to the historical significance and character traits of FDR and Churchill, the beautiful art of Goya and Cezanne, the films by Renoir and Chaplin, Shakespeare's sonnets and the poems of his friend Kenneth Koch.

Not only did Joe introduce me to his intellectual world, both he and Estelle provided me with emotional support and a framework that encouraged me and gave me self-confidence to finish college and accomplish my professional goals. Joe's original motto of "guts, determination and the will to win", will always be with me.

Joe was exceptionally clear about how he lived his life. He created his lifestyle in San Francisco and Malibu so he could enjoy his family, see his patients and pursue his writing and research.

Joe loved spending time in Malibu. There he had quiet time to work several hours a day, read the LA and NY Times, jog to Zuma and back, walk to the rocks, play tennis and swim at Pepperdine, enjoy cocktail time and savor his small barbeque meals. Malibu was also a gathering place for friends and family where anyone would be welcomed to visit. Malibu was a very friendly atmosphere of talk, play and eat. The beach life brought out Joe's playful and silly side a lot. Joe called it his carnival time.

I was fortunate to experience everyday life with Joe and Estelle either in San Francisco or Malibu. Over the years I can hear some family member, friend or colleague call Joe for his sage advice. Joe would carefully think about a suitable response without ever being heavy handed. He had the unusual capacity to predict human behavior and to have authority without being authoritarian.

One of my many treasured memories I have of Joe were our Tuesday mornings over a twenty year span where some combination of Joe, Larry, Jack, Tom, Gabor and I would play tennis at the Julius Kahn playground in the Presidio. After we played, we would head back to Filbert Street where we would all enjoy a wonderful lunch prepared by Estelle. During these lunches, we would have delightful conversations about the cosmos, politics, history, travel talk, and the latest movie to see. Even after I injured my leg and was unable to play tennis anymore, Joe always invited me to join the tennis gang for lunch.

I know that Joe and Estelle were surrogate parents to several others. We all share a unique bond as they provided a safe haven and a sense of belonging in the world for all of us.

Even in his illness, Joe was remarkably upbeat and steadfast; he charmed the doctors and nurses at UCSF with his keen sense of humor.

I feel privileged to be part of his dying process. He helped me to live and I helped him to die.

As Joe would often end a conversation, BYE, BYE BLACKBIRD!

Martha Walters